Redeem this text for a blowjob
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
