One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
