Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
