I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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