Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
