yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
