I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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