Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
