He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
