im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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