Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
