the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize