OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
