thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I look excited, but its just a facade.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
