your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
