remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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