I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
