Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
