Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I love having hate sex.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
