I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
