I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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