fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I came so hard my ears popped.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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