'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize