So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
