He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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