so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
