He uses pillows to masturbate.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
