He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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