dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
