I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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