Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
