he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
