Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
