We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have tasted many bathrooms
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
