Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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