I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
