she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
never play flip cup with pint glasses
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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