It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
