umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
