My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
