Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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