Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
