Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
