Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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