Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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