Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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