Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
