I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
