I wish I only lived at night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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