I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
try to milk me bitch
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