she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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