Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
