i don't plan on having that self control this summer
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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