So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
