It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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