i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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