id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
