Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
