I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
