I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
