chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
