Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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