So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
