Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
