I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
