If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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