My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
