everyone is single if you try hard enough
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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