The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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