Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
