I hate all girls vehemently.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
