First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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