90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
