Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
