he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
