By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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