Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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