Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
