Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
