I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
