my sisters under your porch take her home
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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