Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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