My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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