Small penises have feelings too.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
