I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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